This morning, I had an overwhelming sense that I don’t know what I’m doing. I like being intentional about my life, even my free time and goofing off.
For instance, I realized that I often eat by myself. Which is faster, but it’s also less satisfying, less nutritious, and less useful. But over the past week, God has given me plenty of opportunities to share meals with people I love. This gave me and my friends a chance to encourage one another, and to get emotional and spiritual nourishment in addition to physical food. It’s also easier to get people together for a meal, rather than just to “hang out,” because everyone’s gotta eat.
This weekend, I was reminded at a retreat that God wants our lives to be incredibly fruitful. We spend our mundane days and hours trying to escape meaninglessness, and sometimes it can be a real struggle. But when I think about how I only have a limited amount of time and resources in this life to use in order to help people find infinite blessings in the next… it’s overwhelming.
Solomon says in Proverbs 18:1, “One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound judgment.” I am an introvert, and talking to people, especially those I don’t know well, can be extremely uncomfortable. But I know that I must go out of my way to talk to people sometimes because I know that I am called to love my neighbor — whether they are someone I’m comfortable with or not.
But I still often shudder at the thought of doing something I’m really uncomfortable doing. I hesitantly ask myself, What if it takes more time or money than I can afford? (aka, how do I know God will reimburse me?) What if I’m rejected? (aka, Will it be worth it to obey Jesus even if it isn’t received well?) What if my heart is in the wrong place? (Am I doing this in my own strength, or am I truly loving and trusting God with my life?)
These are legitimate doubts, and I think we all have them to some extent. When it comes to loving people, reaching out, and imitating and shining for Jesus, we are often intimidated by the question, “Where do I even start?”
I would like to encourage you not to give up on love. Don’t give up on reaching out. When times get rough, God doesn’t ask us to simply try harder; the greatest thing is to endure. In Ephesians 6:13, Paul tells us to put on the armor of God — not so we can fight, but so we can simply stand.
Dear friends, endure in your love for and dedication to God, even and especially when you feel like you’re not enough. And even when walking with Jesus becomes uncomfortable (that’s a “when,” not an “if”), you won’t be alone. But I am glad to say that the WORST thing you could do when you know you should do something… is just to do it. The best place to start with any of your good intentions is on your knees.
God has been revealing this comfort to me lately as I focus my ministry and become intentional. I brought my anxieties and my good intentions to God in my prayer journal today. He reminded me that, even more than my deeds in my own strength, simply asking the Creator of the universe for blessings in others’ lives is “powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
I have written down seven people who have been on my heart, and I plan to pray for one of these people each day every week. As God and I work as a team, I have faith that He will listen to me, answer my prayers, and tune my heart and my attitude toward His purposes, regardless of the specifics. Once my heart is changed, I will have the love, joy, and courage to do the deeds (if any) He calls me to do in these individuals’ lives.
Overwhelmed and don’t know where to start? Rest in the sovereignty of God.
