I have been so busy this week that the rate at which my thoughts are accumulating is far surpassing the time that I have to write posts as long as I usually do. I attempted to write a series of “microthoughts” in order to reduce the bloating of information in my brain, but the thoughts just kept getting bigger. And since it’s Friday, I don’t really care to make them shorter. Nevertheless, enjoy.

The power of one is inspiring, but the power of many brings rest to all the weary ones.

The Dairy Center of the Arts in Boulder is putting on a presentation of Crime and Punishment… I’m so there. But since it’s on Walnut Street, I will refrain from kissing the ground in order to avoid getting hives.

Because I signed up for a five-day psychology research study at 8 am, I have been getting 4-6 hours of sleep a night this week and haven’t had a chance to work out all week. The findings show that research can be detrimental to one’s health.

In my logic class, I’m reading a chapter about when it’s okay to accept a proposition based on authority. Some of the criteria include that the proposition must relate to the field of that authority’s expertise (for instance, a biologist does not have much authority on historical matters), and that the person cited as an authority is not significantly biased. It talks about how, a long time ago, almost all Europeans believed that the earth was the center of the universe. But now, luckily, we know more about the world. For instance, it has been “proven” that the earth is millions of years old, because this is the only way that evolution could work. Good thing almost all of us believe in evolution. Bam!

My field (psychology) has really been bugging me because nothing is certain. Nothing can be proven, and there are always extraneous variables. The purpose of research is to try to explain behavior and eventually control it. But luckily, since we understand pretty much nothing about ourselves, we will never be at risk of brainwashing. Anyway, research is usually done on the experience of the “average person.” Who is this average person? I don’t know one. I know that some of you absolutely love research…. keep it up, because I don’t, and neither does the average person.

In my political science class, we’re studying economic development and current theories. Traditionally, economic development (alleviating poverty and such) has been done on a state level by means of industrialization. Another theory called participatory development involves working on a local level to meet people where they are, using available technology that the locals understand how to use. The problem that people have seen with this is that it doesn’t help the state in the short term on a global scale. Oh, darn.

To both of these situations, I humbly say this: let’s stop counting people’s worth by stacking them and instead tell them about the hope they have in the Lord Jesus Christ, who knows them, understands what causes their psychological states, will always provide for them, and will always meet them right where they are.

The other day I was walking home from class all tired because I had just had five classes, not to mention research that morning and four hours of sleep that night.

But then the sun looked at me, and I started thinking about the light rays coming from it and how they reflected off of things and then pierced my eye without me even having to consent. And I wrote,

“The very sun that is not of this world

allows us to see the world for what it really is.

The world has no light of its own;

Its worth is in the sun’s eyes alone.”

The invisible qualities have been clearly seen thus.

When I hear people’s testimonies about how God has changed their lives personally, most stories tend to have one central, particular sin struggle. At first I didn’t think I had one, but I have since discovered that perfectionism has pervaded my entire life. Perfectionism is defined by my own standards, which I usually define based on the standards of everyone else. So essentially, I’m a people-pleaser. Like Batman: I try to be the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one that it needs right now.  This task can be incredibly draining and discouraging, but ironically, perfectionism has one fatal flaw: it doesn’t understand love.  See below.

This week I learned a clearer definition of “running in a way that I will receive the prize.” Here is what I wrote in my journal:

“Love is hard. I’m trying to understand what it really is as a concept, but I know that I will never be done. But like You told me:

‘We’re running this race, pressing on toward the goal;

Yet the goal is to run the race. We have already won the prize.’

It’s not about gaining understanding for understanding’s sake. It’s about the process! How could I forget about the existential purpose? The myth of Sisyphus?

So what if I get there? ‘I fully understand love… Yay me!’ What will I have gained? No, the great gain of Christ is the process of dying to oneself, to my own goals. My own goals are hypotheticals. The only goals that exist in reality are the ones that are already being met. A goal is not an end; it is a lifestyle.”

Consider a tree: it doesn’t strain to mature and produce fruit.  If it did, it would look pretty constipated.  Instead, it simply remains in the soil, remains in the sunlight, and the fruit just comes.  Also, the tree isn’t growing to a standard it has in mind; it just grows as tall as the sun and the soil allow it.  The goal is not the end; it’s producing the fruits that are never “done” growing off the tree.  And that is where the joy is, and that’s what I have been missing out on.

Love is not endogenous: if I want to Love, I have to receive Love first because Love is so foreign to me.  My immune system will attack it, but Love is so strong that it overcomes me daily.