I apologize if it looks like I know what I’m saying.  In all reality, it’s a theory that I plan to test in the natural world until it proves false.

It’s a theory about gossip.

gos·sip /ˈgäsip/  noun

Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

I was trying to decide why gossip is so bad.  I discovered that it’s a sin according to the Bible, which means that it probably hurts people, but that it definitely hurts God, since He made the rules, which He did so we wouldn’t get hurt.

Gossip is hurtful.  It hurts the person you’re talking about.  It hurts your own reputation too, and people don’t feel safe talking to you anymore because you don’t keep their secrets.  Gossip takes matters into the wrong hands, and people try to take control of a situation — people who really don’t belong in that situation in the first place.

I have heard that gossip is a sort of parallel to pornography.  You do it when you become idle, when you’re not out doing something productive and fulfilling.  You do it when you don’t feel much pressure to grow in your character.  You do it when you’re not looking at the condition of your own heart, but at other people’s apparent motives.  Maybe it’s because you’re scared of your heart, or you don’t want to face it, or maybe you never really even thought about it.  But no matter what the reason, it’s a way that you run away from yourself and your most immediate struggles.

And you can only run so long.

According to the above definition, talk must involve the following three factors in order to be considered gossip:

  • Extensive — speaking openly to the point of breaching confidentiality
  • Unconfirmed — threatening someone’s reputation
  • Unconstrained — talking about anything and everything that comes to mind

We must avoid such things in order to keep our conversations free of gossip.  The goal of this is twofold: unity (being proud to associate with each other) and edification (being intentional to support one another).

On the other hand, we can go in an opposite direction that also establishes neither unity nor edification, and it results from fear.  Any virtue or wisdom requires a degree of moderation, with the “perfect” balance being found via the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, we must also avoid the other extreme in our conversation:

  • Exclusive — excluding those not present; not thanking God for them, not praying for them
  • Redundant — sidestepping doubts in one’s heart and mind about God, getting new perspectives on the gospel, and accountability to uphold one’s integrity
  • Restricted — not addressing real issues that create disunity or discouragement

Therefore, the balance we strive for must lie in our convictions about intention, integrity, and internment (which just means restriction, but I needed a word that starts with “I”)

  • Integrity — that is, let God purify your heart and let your reputation follow (not vice versa)
  • Intention — that is, but ask yourself “why” and then act upon your answer in faith
  • Internment — that is, don’t be brought under the condemning power of rules, but rather under the convicting power of the Holy Spirit

Take some time looking over these things and fitting them into your crazy life.  I challenge you to think before you speak. 

If you notice yourself starting to gossip, just stop.  Don’t condemn yourself, but thank God for His grace and move on.  The point isn’t to be perfect, but to recognize how much God loves you and why you need His love: because you’re not perfect.  Be honest.

If you notice that someone you are with is gossiping, kindly tell them that you would rather not talk about this, and change the subject.  If they ask why, tell them that it’s because you’re doing this new thing where you try to avoid gossip.  But be humble.

If they continue to gossip, leave the conversation — and I mean physically leave.   But don’t get bitter or feel like you’re better than anybody else.  Remember that it’s still your job to love them like crazy, because God does the same thing with you.  Be intentional.

Be honest.  Be humble.  Be intentional.  Boldly protect your friends from gossip.  It may just be contagious.

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow.