But through the hardships, God has changed me. He has sustained me. He has believed in me. He’s convicted me of some ugly attitudes, attitudes that have hurt others and hurt myself. He has been refining me.
He is showing me what it means to be thankful for He has given me, including some pretty heavy responsibilities, and not to let my joy be choked out by worry.
And through this new perspective, I’ve realized just how many prayers He has answered over the break:
I have found an awesome field instructor. My parents have allowed me to move back in with them. God provided me with a replacement roommate at my old place, and she is exactly what my roommates and I were praying for. Since I now don’t have a rent to pay, I have a very-very-part-time job doing some freelance web design. I have time to work on my thesis, and people to help me through the process. I have an internship at my church, and even my own office (with a window!) to work in (at least for now). The internship is pretty much my dream job: Designing a website, working with youth, helping start up some small groups, and generally supporting people as they pursue God’s plan to reach every corner of the world and our hearts with His love. I get to visit my friends in Fort Collins once a week because I go back for a seminar on Wednesdays. And I am also finding victory in sticking with a couple good habits I decided to start up this year.
I don’t say this stuff to brag, but to show you what God’s grace can do and has done in my life. And to tell you that, after taking a chance with God, I’ve only seen him keep His promises. I didn’t deserve any of this stuff. It’s totally unfair.
And there are always prayers in my life and others’ lives that are not yet answered. My church could definitely use a revival (as all churches always do). The people around me have room to grow (as all people always do). There are still things I need to work on to get where I want to be (as always). The world — with all the crap that’s happening on the news and in politics and in lands near and far — seems to be “going to Hell in a hand basket,” as my grandparents would say.
I have friends who are hurting, going through hard things, running off doing their own thing, or whom I just plain love and miss. But by God’s grace I refuse to let these things rob me of my joy.
My joy doesn’t come from how much control I have over my surroundings and over my life. It comes from trusting that God is good (Hebrews 11:6), that God is gonna finish what He started (Philippians 1:6), that God’s gonna fulfill all my desires through Himself (Ephesians 1:3), and that God’s never gonna leave me or turn His back on me, no matter how bad or how often I mess up, no matter what happens (Hebrews 13:5). My lasting joy comes from believing in his promises — these and others that He reveals to us in the Bible.
