I have a confession.

I like to do things so that people will think I’m responsible or righteous, loving or loving life, in shape or in control, mysterious or more (fill in the blank) than I really am.

Reputation is a brilliant thief. He’s a fantastic mask. He covers my perfectionism with shallow, paradoxical perfection, and the more I cling to him, the more I need him. Like drinking vinegar.

Sometimes I’m primarily concerned with my reputation. But sometimes I’m the opposite. I become so concerned with my internal attitude that, from the outside, I might look completely different than who I am inside.

Either way, I suppose, my heart is gonna look different from my appearance. The truth is, I was given both an inside and an outside. So… what do I do with them?

Well, I’m not supposed to care what people think of me… right? Above all, I should love God. But my reputation still does matter… I’m representing Christ, so I can’t go around looking irresponsible or crazy or – God forbid – sinful. Or can I?

My reputation and my character look inevitably different. That means that sometimes I will be sinning and look completely selfless, and sometimes I will be acting out of faith and it will look ungodly.

A conclusion: no matter what you do, people will judge you, and no matter how close you are to someone, they will never really know you. Not on the level that God knows you. And no matter how much you think you know yourself, you will never know you on the level that God knows you.

So I think now the question is, “Out of the three – self, others, and God – whose opinion matters the most to me, right here, right now, and every moment?”

Since I don’t know me, I don’t know how I would answer this question.  But I know just how Jesus would respond. Consider the following.

Lord of the Sabbath

At that time Jesus passed through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick and eat some heads of grain. But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, “Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!”

He said to them, “Haven’t you read what David did when he and those who were with him were hungry— how he entered the house of God, and they ate the sacred bread, which is not lawful for him or for those with him to eat, but only for the priests? Or haven’t you read in the Law that on Sabbath days the priests in the temple violate the Sabbath and are innocent? But I tell you that something greater than the temple is here! If you had known what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice, you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath. (1)

It’s not what it looks like. But it’s the very essence of integrity. “It” is the fear of the Lord, whose jealous, Eager Eyes strip away the mask.

“Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.” (2)

(1) Matthew 12:1-8.
(2) 1 Samuel 16:7b.