Tom and Helen were high school sweethearts.  When they graduated, he went off to college in another state, but they had promised to wait for one another.  They sent letters to each other every single day for four years.  She worked diligently as a bachelorette at many jobs – both paid and unpaid.  He took up to 27 credits per semester and worked two jobs, all at once.  Their love was truly unconditional, and they continued in such commitment until they could finally get married – and then they committed even more.  The next sixty years would be the ride of their lives.

They had a daughter.  And another.  And another.  And another.  And then my dad was born.  And then they had five more kids.  I wasn’t alive as these children grew up, but I know them all now, and I can’t imagine how these two people raised such a god-fearing, tight-knit, zany family.

My grandfather was a robust, well-respected man, well-acquainted with self-sacrifice.  And his sense of humor! his dry wit sure had a way of wetting the eye with laughter over the years.  He was an intellectual, well-versed in his historyThomas Mark Baatz Helen Davenport Baatz, theology, and life experiences.  He knew how to tell a good story, to make a good point, to tell a side-splitting joke and manage to hold a straight face.  He was masculine enough to be comfortable with his own emotions.  He was not only present, but he was active in his kids’ lives, teaching boys how to become men and girls how to become women.

My grandmother was a wise, well-loved woman, and one who was confident enough in her significance that she was willing to give up her own fame, glory, honor, and power for the sake of her children.  She truly gave up her life for them.  Hectic mornings, late nights, serious talks, fun events, responding to her boys’ pranks with laughter, responding to girl drama with genuine empathy and wise instruction.

Together they raised up a new generation.  Together they watched that generation raise yet another.  They truly became great grandparents.  There were so many stories saved in their hearts that could never be repeated with justice, within any single lifetime, with any amount of pictures or words or charades.  But whenever my family visited my grandparents, I could never get enough of these stories as the siblings and their kids chatted in the home that was blocks away from the high school that many of the kids attended so many years ago (more years than they would like to count).  From these stories I learned that legends are simply imperfect things that we experience and cause every day.  The more I grew up, the more I realized just how rare my family was.

My grandparents weren’t perfect, but it was how they responded to struggle and embraced spontaneity as a fact of life that made them so admirable.  The love of Christ truly covered their every action, and I saw His qualities living in them as they opened up their home, their lives, and the rest.  Love was transferred through the medium of card games on the patio, catching fireflies at dusk, Mario Kart with the cousins, listening to talented musicians, nestling under skillfully-woven quilts.  This is what a family is supposed to be: a thing that overcomes trials and secrets and hardships with vulnerability, dedication, and treasures in heaven.

***

For my grandfather, death had been a slow journey caused by a series of debilitating strokes, each of which stole away another aspect of joy in his life.  It happened not much longer than a year ago.  Diabetes caused his earthly body to waste away, and the suffering in his eyes toward the end could kill.  But my grandma did everything to maintain his dignity.  She moved their bedroom downstairs, installed an accessible shower, bought him some fancy chairs (all with their own cool names) so he would feel at home in her household – as much “at home” as he could in this life.  We all wondered why God would allow this to happen to such a kind man, but I have an inkling.  It served many purposes.

First, love is proven by hardships.  How do you really know if someone would give up everything for you unless they actually did it?  This is exactly how God proved his love to us.  If God could do things easily, how would we know if he loved us?  This glorious King became a tiny, wailing baby in a pigsty – for you.  He stayed up all night praying, and spent the next day healing and teaching – and these stories were preserved for you to read.  He was tortured – metal shrapnel thrust into wounds multiple times, then forced to carry the structure on which He would die, and most importantly, separated from His most intimate relationship – for you and me, who often wonder if these events were even real.  This love is real.  And if you believe that Jesus showed His love for you in this way, then this love lives in you too, just as it lived in my grandparents.

Second, sudden change is hard.  Maybe God slowly took my grandpa’s life because this man had such a profound impact on this world that it had a hard time letting him go.  When he died, we all knew that he would never suffer another moment.  Those five years would be drowned out by millions, billions, trillions more years with no tears or blindness or hindrances or darkness.  If he had died suddenly, it might have stung so many people that much harder.  But we were relieved to know he had gone home.  We knew that much more that he didn’t belong here, and that, as it was said of the saints in the book of Acts, this world was not worthy of him.

Third, God wants us to trust Him.  Who knows what would have happened if the end of his life happened differently?  We don’t.  God does.  And He made His choice.  And yet He loves us more than we could ever love another soul.  God’s ways, God’s plans, God’s love – they are all bigger and better than ours, no matter how much goodness or logic we could muster up.

***

Meanwhile, my grandma has been waking up alone – something she hasn’t had to do in over sixty years.  A half of her is just not there.  It had become a half life.  She still spoke with grace and joy and hope, but it was as if she was torn between worlds.

This Wednesday evening, October 26, 2011, I received a call from my cousin that my grandmother had just had a stroke and no longer had command of the right side of her body.  She was being transported to a hospital in Toledo.

A half life… A half life is no life.

I didn’t know what to think.  Somehow I knew it wasn’t just any stroke.  I grabbed a coat and went on a walk.  I trudged through broken branches and cold snow as the evening grew darker.  I tried to talk to God but I didn’t know what to say, so I told Him that I didn’t know what to say.  I found myself at a bridge near a light that flickered on and off.  I can’t describe it well, but I felt a wave pass over me, and I thought the words: “It’s okay, Grandma, you can go.”  Someone had heard my prayers for her, at least.  I pulled a Bible out of my pocket and found its biggest chapter.  At first I read it to myself.  A car passed by and it turned into a whisper.  Soon I was shouting Psalm 119 out over the bridge with strength and conviction.  The Word told me that He would preserve my life, that my afflictions would overcome me if I hadn’t understood the truth about life and death, that I could find shelter in the One who is bigger than death and sin and confusion and uncertainty.

I walked back to my house, where my discipleship team was going to be held that evening.  My sisters all prayed with me for my family and comforted me.

There really was power in those prayers.  I believe that God transcends time, and we can even pray about things and have them affect the past.  That is, the sequence of things doesn’t matter, and just because we pray about something doesn’t mean that its effect will only be in the future. Let me tell you how God was setting this thing up.

Right before we prayed, I received a call from my Dad.  He said that, when my grandma had her stroke, she was just saying goodbye to her neighbors after a conversation.  What if she had had her stroke right when she got back to her house?  Or before?  It could have been days before she was found.  But her neighbors were able to call 9-1-1 and get her help immediately.  He also said that his mom’s father had died in a similar way: he had a stroke that took away nervous control of his right side, and he died within the day.

The next night, my dad called me again and told me that he had actually had a conversation with my grandma about death the very night before.  She said that if she ever had a terminal illness and only had a month to live, she would go skydiving.  But with her luck, she added, she would, alas, probably end up surviving it.

She also said that she didn’t want people to remember her when she was sick and unresponsive or depressed; she wanted people to remember her for when she was happy and healthy.  My dad had been talking to his mom more than once a week, so he had no regrets of not talking to her.  I had also called her about a month before, and I let her know how much of an influence she had had on me all my life.  I have also seen too many of elderly people who feel like they’re just existing, or that they’re a burden on society.  They would rather just finish their lives than let them drag on aimlessly, giving people a false hope that somehow they would get better, or even that they would stay that way.  My grandma felt that, when something like this happened, it was God’s way of telling her that it was her time to go home.

On the morning of the 28th, I was talking to my roommate Sarah about Grandma when I got the call from my dad.  She passed away around 8:00pm (Ohio time) that morning.  He said she was very peaceful and died in her sleep.  I don’t think it could’ve happened in a better way.  God truly heard and answered our prayers according to His unfailing love.

***

Once when I was visiting my grandparents, Grandma was making me lunch.  She told me that when she dies, she doesn’t want people to be sad.  She wants it to be a celebration because she will be where she belongs.  In this same conversation, she told me that when she prays, it’s usually in the form of a song.  I know that she is with her Lord right now.  She is with her Tommy again.  She finally gets to meet her child who was miscarried.  She gets to meet her great grandson who was born prematurely and only survived a few weeks.  She is with all of her siblings and ancestors.  And she is with the One who sits on the throne, the one who redeemed her from death.  Because of Him, she will live forever, never to suffer, never to waste away.  Because of Him, she won’t have to struggle to take care of Grandpa because he will be strong, loving man he always has been.  Because of Him, I am not sad that Grandma is gone, because I know with certainty that I will see her once more.

Grandma always told me that she wished she lived closer so she could visit more. I told her that I’m excited for Heaven because we won’t have that problem.  That day has finally come for her, and it’s coming soon for me.  And if you know Jesus, you’ll get to meet Helen in Heaven, too, whether you knew her here or not.

***

Death is real.  It’s inevitable.  That is, physical death is inevitable.  This fact plagues our hearts and makes us proud of our own lives, even when we like to think that we’re good people.  Such are the consequences for our imperfection: corruption, decay, death, chaos, meaninglessness.  But our only hope for meaning is if there is a strength that can bring us to escape spiritual death, to live even after we leave this decaying, disastrous, corrupt planet.  Only by overcoming spiritual death can we transcend eternal death.

No matter how you help people here on this earth, it will all be for nothing if everyone just ends up dying in the end, ceasing to exist at all.  No matter how much you help someone’s life, it’s worth nothing if they’re just going to rot in the ground.  Think about that.  I truly can’t understand  how any sane person can be both a naturalist (not believing in anything but the natural, material world) and have hope for true, genuine significance, at the same time.  And if you don’t believe in life after physical death, I respect you for your mental strength.

Without life, nothing is anything, and everything is nothing.  Even a half life is no life at all.  No matter your past, no matter what you think of God, Jesus loves you, and He died for you, specifically, and He has a wonderful plan for your life.  If there were no other person in existence but you, He would have died for you anyway.  He loves you no matter how much you love Him, hate Him, don’t care about Him, or deny that He is real.  His love doesn’t depend on our reaction to it.

Jesus wants you to have “life to the full,” free from the habits and labels and uncertainty that enslave you.  But He says that the only way to do that is to know Him personally, to accept Him into your heart, and to give Him control of your life.  If you don’t know what this means, and you want to know how to commit your heart to Christ and truly have this life, please talk to a Christian friend whom you trust (whether me or another person).  Why wait?  You never know when your time here will be up.  And after that happens, I guarantee you, it will be too late to make a decision.  Don’t sit on the fence; either choose to believe Him while you have the chance, or reject Him.  But don’t pretend like it’s not important to know where you stand, and more importantly, why.

Even though God does win in the end, it doesn’t diminish the pain of missing someone.  But He knows.  And He is with us in the end when everything is sorted out, but He is also feeling with you right now.  He wept with Lazarus’s family even though He knew that He would raise Lazarus from the dead minutes later.  He is the only one who knows exactly what you’re going through.  If you are a Christian, He is in you.  And whatever He wants to make of you, He will get you there – I promise.

He loves you just as you are, no matter what people tell you.  But He loves you so much that He doesn’t dare leave you this way, still attached to all the things that are not really you, still missing parts of yourself that are.  He knows you’re not complete, but He alone has the resources to fulfill you forever so your heart is never hungry for love.  He has it all, and He is just waiting to give it to you, but like any gift, you must respond by receiving it, or you will never be able to enjoy it.  Will you let Him into your heart?  Will you let Him into that aspect of your life that you’re holding back from Him?  If you do, call or talk to someone who knows Him and ask how you can receive this gift.  I assure you, even if you think you’re bothering someone, or it’s a weird question, or it might hurt your reputation, it will be worth it.  It’s worth a shot.

Sometimes we don’t know that we’re asleep until we’re awakened.  What life are you missing out on?  What abundant life is awaiting you?  Commit your life fully to Him – His arms are the only place you were made to belong.