I could make this one of these moral-of-the-story blog posts about
the importance of rest
or balance
or something on leadership again
or some cultural commentary
or like I don’t know.
This one is just going to be me and some things I’ve been thinking about.
Because it’s been a while since I’ve just… written. I used to journal all the time. Then I started a blog. I wrote a lot in college, but now that I own my own company, life is busy.
I don’t like it.
The busyness, I mean. And the not writing. Don’t get me wrong. I love building virtual spaces online. It’s kind of like building your own world.
Building your own virtual world so you can build a better real world.
Which is exactly
what my clients are doing.
They are amazing people doing crazy things. It’s hard to charge them money, you know. I wish I could do this stuff for free and still be able to afford the occasional frosted lemonade.
But being in business is weird. In school I got these little assignments, and people had done them before, so they know (1) they were possible, and (2) in what timeframe they could be done. I don’t have that luxury, guys. There are pressures and deadlines and many of them come from myself. Because they don’t come from professors anymore. And so I put higher expectations on myself than anybody else so I never let anybody down but myself.
It’s safer that way…
and busier.
It’s been great to network with other people of influence in Colorado and beyond. Wow. There are people doing amazing things. That’s a part of my life I hope will never go away.
But I need to be looking at how to do this influence thing in a way that’s sustainable. In a way that will really make waves.
I miss the times
when You and I would stay up late and I would let you talk more than I would write. You would speak to me. Your words would stick with me throughout the day. They still ring in my head every day. But I haven’t done as much learning these days as just retaining the remnants of an earlier part of this journey.
I was thinking, and it amazes me that there is even someone out there like You. Even if I hadn’t ever met You, or experienced Your goodness, just to know there’s someone out there who is actually ideal, who loves perfectly, who knows perfectly — that gives me hope. If You weren’t real, we’d always be striving for those ideals, but we would never attain them. But here You are. You’re already here.
So I want to have more nights with You, is my point.
I’m stuck on this song
because it describes what it is like to dive into the presence of God. And since my church is doing baptisms this Sunday, the symbolism rings true a lot.
I just finished a book
by a pastor I found out is dealing with marital unfaithfulness. This man’s writing helped me to see significance in suffering, and how to better walk with friends and family who are dealing with suffering. His writing is centered on the message of the gospel — that the outcome and significance of our lives ultimately does not depend on what we do (good or bad), but what Jesus did for us. This empowers us to do good, even more than if we were trying to fight against karma instead of do good because we genuinely had a choice… but it also gives us the freedom to make big mistakes without it being the end of the world. I don’t think this is the end of this pastor’s story.
Marriage is hard, y’all. I’m learning that the more I grow older with friends who are trying to commit to something extraordinary and find that, hey, nobody is extraordinary. We’re all average. It always takes a miracle to maintain something extraordinary… for even a day. Much less a lifetime. We can’t rely on each other. We can’t put up high expectations for ourselves. If a marriage ever succeeds, I don’t think it’s because of an ordinary person. It’s because an extraordinary Person is at the center of that marriage. And we will get off-center.
But it doesn’t have to be the end of us.
Ever.
That Person can redeem anything and make it even better than it ever was before. I wish this for this pastor and his wife.
I loved his book. I see the best in it, and I hold onto it. I think that’s how Jesus sees us, too.
He sees the best in us.
And He holds onto us and doesn’t stop holding and holding.
I trust a lot more in His faithfulness to hold on than my own. I’m not strong like Him. But He says His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I believe it.
My church leaders are one in a million
and even though I haven’t been burned by church nearly as much as like 90% of my nation, they really stand out. And if you’ve been hurt by church, or your friends or family have, I am so, so, so sorry. That sucks. Justice needs to happen. People can’t just go on being stupid and hurtful. Especially the ones who have been entrusted with such a message of hope. To mask the reality of the true person of Jesus is to cut thousands off from hope. That’s not okay. I hope that hope can still be stronger in your life than hate.
But these leaders… they aren’t like the others you hear about in the news because, you know, the news always picks out the freaks and the extremes, Christians and Muslims alike. I’m a freak, but not because I hate people, but because, with Jesus’ help, I strive to care about people and the ultimate outcome of their lives more than is proper. 🙂
Anyways. These leaders… by some miracle, they really genuinely love Jesus and people no matter what. Sometimes life gets in the way and I forget how amazing they are, but we had this meeting this week and I just saw
this desperation,
this abandon,
this surrender, and yet
this conviction that we must love at all costs, and do it strategically, and do it well, and do it right.
We must love at all costs. Even when it hurts us. Even when it doesn’t make sense to other people.
We must love at all costs,
even when it looks foolish,
or people don’t get it,
or when people think we’re something we’re not,
or the world thinks we’re against it
when we’re really 100% for it.
When I get together with people of influence and faith and
see their eyes flood with tears
for the people they love, many of whom they have not even met yet…
…That’s when I remember why I stay up until 3:00 a.m. making videos to train our team on better project management.
I sit in the room and think, “I’m not worthy to know these people.” They challenge me to love more than I ever have. To lay aside my agenda and my rights to genuinely care what is going on in someone’s life. And to make it my business where that life is going to be in 5 years. I’m just honored to be in the room sometimes. I wish everyone could see my friends’ hearts. They are contagious. They make me want to dance. “The world is not worthy of them.”
I just got involved in this organization
in Boston that is all about helping the Church love the LGBTQ community. Their methods are effective in training people on how to love people radically — and by radically I mean the way Jesus would, with both truth and love. This is an issue very close to my heart. I didn’t have time to work on their website much (read: at all) this week because it was crazy. But I won’t beat myself up about it. 🙂 I don’t know what will come of this opportunity. It could become far more than just a volunteer deal… praying through it.
You see, this ministry is quite similar to one I was going to work for out of college, but didn’t. That one stung bad. I couldn’t see how staying in the suburbs could possibly be more impactful than traveling the country to different campuses helping people think critically about an issue on which we tend to just pick a side and throw stuff at each other. Let’s figure this stuff out, guys.
Anyway. This ministry does a similar thing where they travel around and train people with proven strategies of how to love people well, and how to be convicted that love matters, and so does understanding what that looks like in every way. Of course, parachurch org’s aren’t much without the local church. And if the local church did its job, I wonder if we would even need parachurch organizations. (More on that here.)
Lots of church people are afraid of loving LGBTQ people because they think it’s compromising. This group gives the church permission to love people with a love that is scandalous. Because Jesus’ relentless love for someone like me… that’s scandalous.
I have Boston on my mind… Boston is a far ways away, you know. Which brings me to…
I am sitting a house
for the next two weeks. House-sitting for me is like a personal retreat. I can step back from things. It’s harder to avoid myself, or God. It can be isolating, but also very reflective.
I hope it’s that.
I have a lot I am praying through,
a lot of journaling to catch up on.
But whatever the future holds, I’m here, and I’m on my way. I choose to be present in the moment. But the future… it’s gonna be good, guys.
Let’s do this.
