I don’t even know how I got here.
It’s been quite a blur.

I used to be someone else. Someone I liked.
Then something happened, and I’ve been hiking uphill ever since,
trying to get to the place
where I once was.

I couldn’t get there by going back, so I’m trying to get there,
to that place in the past,
by going forward.

So here I am,
in a
new
old
place.

I’m dragging my feet here.
In my mind, of course —
not enough to leave a real mark, of course.

If I can’t change it for the better,
Maybe I can at least try
not to make a
mess.

I dream of things, of course —
but they are all the wrong dreams.

I’m wanting to hear the message that it’s all going to be unconditionally okay.
At the same time I’m wanting to be the person who helps make it that way.
I know it can’t be both.
Or do I?

But I’m no hero. I’m no
thing. I’m a shadow
of who I once was.
There. I said it.

I used to be so strong.
But I’ve lost it.
I don’t want to be hero anymore,
a warrior, a genius, a virtuoso, a prodigy.
I just want to survive. I can’t think past that.

So here I am, not making a mess.
Not making anybody mad.
Not letting anybody down.

So here I am, fighting for just
me.

It is one thing to know a good song exists.
It is another thing for that good song to find you in a
new
old
place.

Please
find me

I wanna get caught dreaming
the best dreams