For the past two weeks, I’ve been on two different family vacations, and I’m finally back at my good old roll-top desk, with a candle, Paramore, an oversized plaid shirt, and chamomile tea.  I’ve become quite a tea fanatic since I was absorbed into the sponge that is bohemian Fort Collins culture.  But tonight, I’m drinking my first ever cup of chamomile.  That’s right, I’m a chamomile virgin.  I don’t even know how to pronounce chamomile.  Camo meal?  Camo mile?  Chameleon? Mmm.  Chameleon tea.  I’ll stick with that.

I’ve never been interested in chamomile before, because it’s supposed to help you sleep.  What kind of tea has no caffeine?!  If you know me well, you know I have a history of hating sleep.  I’ve always been such a busy person that it’s not hard for me to feel tired.  It’s much harder to feel peppy.  It takes a lot of energy to face life!  But my lifestyle can make me pretty anxious sometimes.  And can set me up for failure.

Prior to my travels, I was destined for a scene none of us ever want to end up: the burnout scene.  But God decided to give me a detour, thank… well, God.

There’s a verse in John 10 where Jesus says, “My sheep try to hear my voice, but they can’t quite make it out.”

I’m kidding.  You sure you’re awake?  You need some black tea?

No.  He says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27).  How amazing it is to take Him at His word!  This week, God really spoke to me in a way I could understand.  He spoke to me through music.  He spoke to me through bowling.  He spoke to me and my grandparents’ church.  He spoke to me through my mom and my aunt.  He spoke to me through the Word.  He spoke to me through a dream I had, even.  (And I don’t dream much because I hate sleep!)

I want to share a story with you.  Grab the herbal beverage of your choice and have a listen.


Once upon a time, yesterday, I was in California, and I was bowling.  And I kept, like, not getting strikes.  So here my grandpa comes along, and he’s this bowling champion.  He’s amazing.  By the end of our game, he got five strikes in a row, and bowled a 220.  Ridiculous.  I was in the midst of a gutter ball when my dad told me to go over to talk to Grandpa.  So I did.  And he gave me some advice.  You see, he had been watching me bowl.  He didn’t criticize me or look down on me.  He wanted me to succeed.  So he told me what I could do to be better.

He said, “When you throw the ball, you’re twisting your wrist.  See?”

He demonstrated the my movement to show me what I was doing wrong.  Then he showed me the right movement.  “You need to keep your thumb on top, like this.”  Then he added, “And make sure you end up on your left leg.”

I practiced the movement in front of him a couple times.  I waited my turn, picked up my ball, and stood in front of the alley.  I took a breathed in, and then out, looking up and down the dead center of the alley with this zoomy tunnel vision. I stepped up to the alley and repeated the movement I had been practicing.  And I got a strike on the first try.  My grandpa and I exchanged high fives and proud smiles.

He shouted, “See? Now just remember what you just did!”

Then he proceeded to throw a left-handed curve ball that ended in an annihilating strike.


A couple days earlier, I was feeling down and I didn’t know why, and I ran away to my room.  My dad came and talked to me.  I wanted to push him away, but instead I let him into my world.  After he helped me explore my feelings, I realized just how stressed I had felt about the upcoming year as a senior in college.

Anxious.  Overwhelmed.  Defeated.  The stress was literally reducing me to tears.  I just didn’t want to admit or face these feelings.  I wanted to just be strong.  He offered me comfort by reminding me that I’m a human.  (Although I never said I like being human.)  But I still didn’t feel at peace.

The next evening, I was talking to my mom and my aunt.  That night, they lovingly and boldly confronted me about some decisions and plans I’ve been making in my life.  After I stopped defending myself, I realized that they were right.  Again, it was something I knew all along, but I didn’t want to face it.  I couldn’t face it.  I didn’t know how!  I was wrong about something big.  I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I wanted to just do nothing or try to cover it up in shame.  Or I just wanted to take control of everything in pride.  There was no middle ground.

There was no ground at all.  I just felt like I was falling.


Two corrections.  Two different reactions.  Why did I react so positively to my grandpa’s correction, and so negatively to my mom and aunt’s correction?  What if I would have reacted to my grandpa’s bowling advice with despair and fear?  My score would have gotten worse instead of better, because I would be even less at peace and less focused.  I might be bitter against him because of it.  And I’d probably put someone’s eye out with my bowling ball.

And what about my life?  There’s so much more at stake.  My life is more than a game.

Confused and lost, I realized that I needed some spiritual nourishment, so I approached my Father in prayer with my hunger to make sense of things.

So I soul puked.  I just kind of emptied my contents like a box of puzzle pieces so we could look at them together and get to work.

What we found: When I was bowling, I had been doing a lot right.  I was chucking the ball into the correct lane.  That was good.  I was using one arm instead of trying to shot-put it.  Excellent.  And I had a great attitude and kept high-fiving everybody when they missed.  But those things alone wouldn’t get me a strike.  Even the littlest things can totally make your other strengths worthless.  Lane positioning.  Angle of throw.  Length of arc swing.  Weight of ball.  Level of power.  But when everything’s working well, you can succeed, and you get your reward for every strength you have.

Here are some verses I found on correction:

  • “[C]orrection and instruction are the way to life…” ~Proverbs 6:23b
  • “Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.” ~Proverbs 10:17
  • “A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.” ~Proverbs 15:5
  • “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.” ~Proverbs 12:1  (Harsh!)
  • “Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path; the one who hates correction will die.” ~Proverbs 15:10 (Oh gosh…)
  • “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” ~Proverbs 3:11-12

Correction is a word I don’t really like.  Correction isn’t something I actively seek (though I probably should, especially since I know it’s so hard to dish out).  And yeah, correction focuses on your weaknesses. But when you fix them and change them, you’re so much happier about those aspects where you were weak than the other ones you had all along.

When I get corrected in life, I react horribly.  I feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed.  When I was bowling, I wasn’t ashamed of the fact that I had gotten a bad score before that point.  I was excited for how my score would turn out from now on, appreciative of my grandpa’s advice, more aware of my own form, and ready to encourage others.

Excited.  Thankful.  Alert.  Ready.  That’s how I want to feel when you correct me, Lord.  Why am I so ashamed and fearful?  I know my strengths and my limitations.  I know what boundaries to set.  I know who to be and who not to be.  I know to take it one day at a time.  I know who I can turn to for help.  I can do this!  Because I have you on my side.  (And You have given me an AMAZING support system.)  And you know that I know your voice, so I have no excuse.

How’s this year gonna start out for me?  Now that God has made the clear to me that I don’t have to resort to my default setting of going to extremes, He has given me both the willingness and the ability to respond well to His correction and wisdom that He will speak through whatever medium He decides to speak to me.  I’ll be ready.  I will wait and seek… at the same time.  Multitasking!

I’ll know His voice.  And if you let Him into your messed up world, you’ll know it, too.

I’m drinking chamomile tea tonight because God has handed me this amazing peace that is knocking out my anxieties like my grandpa’s custom-made lefty bowling ball.

You won’t get that kind of peace from reading my blog, that’s for sure.  But if you ask God, if you stop for a moment each day and listen to the story He’s writing, I’ll bet He can whip up something for you.

Questions for you:

  • Do you feel like you need to always get things right the first time?  (And what’s wrong with this picture?)
  • How do you usually react to correction?  Does it cause you to look back, or to look forward?  To despair, or to rejoice?
  • What are the consequences (near future and distant future) of keeping your attitude as it is?
  • When your soul is just carrying around a lot of weight, what are you prone to turn to?  (Food, bragging, entertainment, reading, busyness, porn, good works, substances, sleep, drinking, other)  See James 5:13-16.
  • When you’re hungry for spiritual nourishment, what do you turn to in order to fill up?  Check out Matthew 5:6.
  • What has God been saying to you lately through His Spirit by using creation as His mouthpiece?
  • How will you make an effort to find a place and a time where you can encounter God consistently in your daily life?