Forbearance and lawn-mowing.

I have not blogged in a couple weeks. Some of you may not have noticed, but I know some of you have. I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth; I just got really anxious about the standards I set for myself when I tried to plan out my future.

I have actually written 3-4 blog posts in the past few weeks. But I was stressed about what are the optimal times to post and oh my gosh you should optimally be doing four posts a week, because according to online resources that’s the magic number to drive traffic to a blog.

But you know what? Even though I’m in the marketing business now, I don’t want to get into the business of trafficking.

I’ve also learned at my job that it’s better to keep the momentum going than to try to make everything perfect and then second-guess yourself and then never do anything at all. Because it’s that principle that got me a (ghost-written) article on the Huffington Post for one of our clients.

“The tallest blade of grass gets cut first.” Ancient proverb.

A part of me doesn’t want to fall short of the standards I set.

This Sunday in Rooted, we talked about standards, because my brother Caleb brought up the topic of excellence. The example Kirby used was mowing the lawn. Let’s say you are a person who doesn’t like mowing the lawn. So are you going to mow the lawn? No.

But how about if you step out and say that, even though you don’t want to mow the lawn, you’re going to do it anyway? You now hold yourself to a standard.

But now there is risk involved. What if you don’t finish mowing the lawn?

Is it better to finish half the lawn, or to not even try at all?

We decided that stepping out and trying something new, even if you don’t finish it, brings you personal growth. That’s more of the lawn than you’ve ever done before. And you know what? Next time you can still hold yourself to that standard and maybe even get closer to your goal.

Our culture is generally aversive to standards.

Why hold myself to a standard if I’m just going to let someone down? Why commit to something if I don’t really know if I’m strong enough to uphold that commitment? Why even try something if there is a reasonably high risk that I’ll make a fool of myself? Perhaps I’d be perceived better if I had no standards at all.

It’s this kind of thinking that I believe contributes to the — I can’t believe I’m typing this — 80% divorce rate in our home land. That’s intimidating. Maybe we should just cohabit instead. That doesn’t require commitment, and then I have a non-shameful way out if I realize I don’t have what it takes.

Back to mowing the lawn. This scenario is complicated when you bring in the fact that there are plenty of people who could mow the lawn better than you. And in a global economy, this can make you feel like you’re nothing. Why don’t you just leave it up to the experts?

These are the mantras we subliminally whisper into the ears of the men in our lives.

Often times, people — especially males — are put in situations where people already have low expectations of who they will be. We can’t trust men, so let’s set low standards for them. I don’t trust my common-law husband, so I’m gonna make sure I have a way out in case I get hurt. Because love shouldn’t hurt.

And we don’t allow men to step out and improve their character. We keep them down. We allow them to continue to be little boys who see women as mothers. This is not a loving thing to do.

You don’t want to mow the lawn? I love you, which means I am also secretly bitter, and I also gain this weird sense of pleasure when I make myself a martyr, so I’m going to mow the lawn for you. I am going to have a career and a family and a ministry and a charity and generally save the world by myself. And I’ll exasperate you so that even though I want you to grow, there’s no room to. Because it requires me to trust you and believe in you even when you don’t deserve it.

This is the reason The King’s Speech is one of my favorite movies. The queen believes in her husband even when he doesn’t believe in himself. And because she sees him as the man he could become, even before he is, and even when there’s a chance he won’t become that man… the prophecy is fulfilled.

But I am not confining this to a romantic relationship. We  need to believe in our men. We need to repent of our bitterness. Because godly women are strong enough to love until it hurts. They can trust that God will honor their respect of men even when it’s risky. (I’m not saying you should let men beat you up; but the extremes we see in dominant men and passive men in our culture start way before a relationship manifests these kinds of problems.)

I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But my question is, women, how can we love the men in our lives and help them grow in their character (notice I said character, not comfort or happiness)? How can we affirm them? And men, my question for you is, what is keeping you from becoming the man God knows you can become, by His grace and patience? What is so big in your life that you are believing that that thing is bigger than God’s power in you?

This is the last thing I have to say: A pooped preschooler cannot beat out a spinach-toothed sailor in an arm wrestle.

In the same way, whether you’re male or female, young or old, smart or unconvinced of your intelligence… your own weaknesses don’t stand a chance against God’s strength in your life.

And if you think your weaknesses are powerful enough to drown out the power of God’s transforming and liberating power in your life… you are mistaken.

Sometimes we worry more about the length of our grass than the confidence of our neighbor.

And by neighbor I don’t just mean the person living next to you. I  mainly mean the people you have been so graciously entrusted to live around every day.

Yes, the grass needs to be mowed. But which is more urgent? Which matters more in the long run? Carrying out one responsibility, or instilling a life-long sense of responsibility?

Kirby says, “If there is willingness, then it’s only a matter of ability. If there is ability, then it’s only a matter of willingness.”

There are people in our midst who are willing, but incapable. How can we help them become capable? Is there anyone willing to mow the other half of the lawn? Even if the new guy’s half looks a little sloppy, is there anyone willing to rejoice with him? Perhaps it’s my own willingness to bear with other’s weaknesses that needs to grow.

If there is someone who is capable but unwilling, what is holding him or her back? How can we still come alongside that person and bear with him or her? (Eph 4:1-2)

So I’m back to blogging again.

Maybe I was unable to crank out four posts a day at the optimal times. But I’d rather post a particularly long blog on a Tuesday morning when no one’s online… than not post at all. Feeling like you have to be perfect can be exasperating and discouraging,  causing me to give up (Eph 6:4). But I’m glad I have a Father in Heaven who would rather see me grow than see me do everything right.

My HuffPo article wasn’t the best in the world, but my coworkers did an amazing job spurring me on, helping me persevere, and then celebrating with me when (and long after) my article was published.

I’m glad they believe in me enough to hold me to a standard of excellence. I have a lot to learn from them.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Comment below.