There used to be this guy at my church who would pray before worship:

“Lord, no matter what’s going on in our lives, let us just leave it aside so we can worship you.”

I never got that. In fact, that prayer, well, it made me… frustrated. There. I said it.
This prayer frustrated me, because that’s not what worship is about.
That’s not what relationship is about.
Let me try to explain.

When you go out to get coffee with someone, what’s the first thing you do? Well, what’s the first thing you do after you sit down and burn your face on your hot, expensive, corporate coffee?

You ask the other person questions. About what is going on in their life.
You don’t think to yourself, “Oh, my life sucks, but I’m gonna leave that aside for now and just be here with you.” You’d have nothing to talk about! You wouldn’t know each other. You might as well be sipping coffee with a stranger. You’d leave without anything different about you except having bad breath and more liquid in your body. You can do that with anyone.

When you have a relationship with someone, it requires bringing all the different pieces of your life together in one place.The more pieces you bring, the more likely you will leave feeling more known and understood than when you first came.

Otherwise, there will be all these little parts of you that are
missing
at that table.

It’s no wonder you don’t connect with the worship or the message or the Word. Not many pieces of you are actually even there.


Last night I drove “home” around 9 after a mediocre band practice, in which I felt inadequate and unprepared. I was listening to a song on the way home called “Pieces.”

When I got “home,” I was exhausted. But by heavenly Father was beckoning me to spend time with Him.
I asked Him how the heck I could see Him. Because of course I needed him, and I knew that, and I was searching,
but I still felt like I could never do enough to find Him. (Which is technically true, because he has to find me. I’m always just Drifting. It’s why he became a man and came to our planet. None of our spacecrafts could fly all the way to Heaven. Thank God we’re not good enough.)

But then He brought that song to mind. He wasn’t really as far from my reach as I thought. And here’s what He ended up leading me to do.

I took out a piece of paper and wrote at the top:

“Things that make me deeply sad.”

Then I listed a bunch of things in all the pieces of my life that make me sad. Like, big things. The kinds of issues in my life and in stranger’s lives that are too complex to ever solve. The kind of things that time just can’t seem to heal. The thing I pretend I’ve dealt with through however much counseling and praying. Things that are too deep to slap a and-aid on.
And it was hard.

For pretty much my whole life, because of how I grew up, and how I reacted to how I grew up, I have had a hard time coming to terms with my negative emotions. And as I was listening to that song, I realized that I could have no real fellowship with God if I did not consciously, consistently bring him my pieces.

But negative emotions? This was one piece I liked to shove in my little tooth fairy box and put under my pillow, and then smile with my little toothless smile like nothing is wrong.

This was a tough exercise for me. Not because it made me cry or anything, of course. But because my negative emotions have been buried so deep in the sands of my soul that it took quite a lot of effort to dig them up.

But as I wrote out these “unaccepted” feelings, I was surprised at how refreshed and whole I felt. Because the song came true for me.

Here’s the chorus:

There’s too much smoke to see it
There’s too much broke to feel this
I love you, I love you
And all of your pieces.”

If you’ve ever been in a Bible study with me in this here town, you’ve probably heard me talk about the importance of “sharing our struggles.”

Ha. I often don’t even know what I’m saying. Because most of the time the sorrows and frustrations I have, I don’t even realize I have them. I don’t bring my pieces to Him — and there’s no way I’m bringing those pieces to other Christians. What would they think of me.

But of course covering them up doesn’t make them go away.

Thank God He reveals to me the truth about myself when I simply call on His name. Thank God He doesn’t see me any different after I tell Him. Thank God he cares enough to dig up those pieces of eight or more.

I’m not strong enough to address them on my own. But when your life is in pieces,
it can help to dump all those pieces out of the box,
flip them all right-side up,
and invite God to help you start looking for the borders.

Sometimes, there’s too much smoke for me to see how much I am actually hurting inside.

I am broken. There are so many pieces of me that don’t work how they’re supposed to. There are pieces of me that don’t want to be loved, that just want to go away and hide forever. There are pieces of me that would rather be self-made and successful and perfect than to accept help from another. I am broken.

But there is a guy out there who loves me
and all of my pieces.

Whether I want it
or realize it
or not.

Initially, this truth makes me want to hide even more of my pieces, because those pieces so openly and harshly reject this love, day after day. Other pieces diminish the importance of this love.

I often hear people say, “No matter what you’re going through, God loves you.” Some of my pieces think, “That’s a message for sissies. And it won’t get you to be a better person.” Like it’s some band-aid for people who just don’t get it.

Well, here’s the news, Meg: you are that person who doesn’t get it. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. You are loved by God.

Every single one of your pieces.

And if you stop stashing away all your pieces our of fear or rebellion or any other reason,
And bring all your pieces
maybe you’ll start to feel the weight of that love.
And maybe instead of driving along the coast and sighing at the marine layer, you’ll be able to immerse yourself in that love.
And it will send chills throughout all of your pieces.
And it will steal the breath from your lungs.
And it will sweep you off your feet.

Get into that ocean.
Because one thing that makes me deeply sad is how rarely you do.