Saturday nights are the most peaceful time of my week. So it’s the time when I most want to stay up super late and connect with God and generally try to remember who I am.
Paradox 1: The later I stay up to connect with God, the more tired I am at church when I’m supposed to connect with God.
Alas. Much of the time I go to church mainly for the people. Or to uphold my reputation.
I have a good reputation at my church. People know me and come up to me and my little introvert self freaks out inside but I humor them because I know it’s important to spend time together. (Hebrews 10:24-25) “Daily.”
Then I leave.
Paradox 2: I’ll go out of my way to spend a few shallow seconds with people who don’t really know me, but I won’t intentionally seek to be known by these people during the week.
I suck at asking people out. But that’s not an excuse not to do it. It doesn’t mean I don’t need it.
Did you know there are sloths that die because they are too slow and lazy to go find food?
Lord, help me ask people out. I’m so task-oriented that I get focused on what I need to do. Unless I create a task of going to drink coffee with someone, I won’t do it. But the worker’s hunger spurs him on, I suppose. (Proverbs 16:26)
I officially started working full time this week. I practically lived at work. It was great. It was amazing.
I love my job. I am helping people achieve their dreams by doing what I love: writing and graphic designing and writing and communicating and doing tasks and working with inspiring people. And scheming about how we can become more effective, how we can grow in numbers and quality.
I love all of my coworkers. They challenge me. They affirm me. They appreciate me. They inspire me to be better without being overbearing. They all have messy lives but love each other and bear with one another anyway. They spend every day together.
Paradox 3: As much as those things make me come alive, I am dying inside because I have not experienced these in my church.
At least lately. Or, at least, the spheres in which I’m involved, in which I’m investing and leading. Probably “leading” more than investing.
These qualities at my work — unity and community and diversity around a common goal — these are the exact things Jesus wants us to have, except centered around him instead of a payed gig.(Acts 2:42-47)
And in large part, it’s my own fault for not initiating these habits in my spheres of influence.
But I can’t even do what I want to do by myself. Because I do what I do not want to do, and what I do not want to do, that I do. Save me from this body of death. (Romans 7:15-25)
It’s these nights when I just want to stay up all night writing a letter to someone. To God, to a friend, to the whole world. I switch off, but it seems I never write to any of them as much as I’d like.
I heard an ad on the radio about giving money to give people in Africa bibles. I was incredibly skeptical at first. Why did I have this skeptical attitude? Bibles are helpful.
I think it’s because sometimes I feel like, compared to the rest of the world, our best asset as American Christians is our money. That’s not what I want to be known for. I want to be known for my faith.
Paradox 4: To change the world, you need faith. To change the world more, you need money. The more money you have, the less faith you generally tend to have.
I’m approaching a point in my life when I’m no longer in financial debt. It’s a very peculiar sensation. Extra money? I don’t know if I can handle that responsibility. There’s something that makes me feel like I’m contributing to the world when I spend something. I’m helping out a restaurant worker or contributing to a business or whatever. But there are ways to stretch your dollar. Many ways. So many ways.
My dollar just got heavier.
I’m not responsible with money. But I can believe that God is responsible with me, and mighty to make the poor useful. But what about the rich? Or even the reasonably wealthy? I could give it all up or I could use it for good. And no doubt, sometimes, I’ll do neither. I guess that’s why it’s called faith.
Well, I’m done for the night. Enjoy this little graphic I designed for a white elephant party:
Paradox 5: In the song “What does the fox say?” Ylvis claims that “there’s one sound that no one knows.” Yet he answers, on multiple occasions, his own allegedly unsolved question. And now everyone knows. But still continues to ask the question.
